Cancer is like a hurricane?

As my wife gears up for reconstructive surgery next month I asked her if she was ready for it and if she really wanted to go through another surgery. I told her I would love her no matter what and not to do it just for me. That's when she mentioned her battle with breast cancer was like surviving a hurricane and she needed to try to rebuild herself. She explained that when it hit her life a few years ago, her life became very chaotic.

When a hurricane hits, buildings are destroyed, debris is flying all over, and landscapes are changed beyond recognition. This was like going through her treatments for cancer. They made her hair fall out, body parts were removed, skin was burned and she felt like she was unrecognizable.

But do you just give up?

Do people after a hurricane just give up?

No!

They get to rebuilding the lives they once had. Yes, their life is different from the one they had before but they still rebuild.

I realized that my wife was going through these surgeries to get some of her old self back as best as she could. Not for anyone else to recognize her, but for her self-recognition.

Sports and Pink

If you ask my wife she would say that I'm a sports FANATIC.

I love this time of year as it has College and NFL football, MLB playoffs and the NBA is getting geared up. With October being Breast Cancer awareness month I'm now used to the pink wrist bands, shoes, towels, hats etc. that the players and coaches wear. I always thought it was a cool thing to do but when your wife goes through the disease you really get a better appreciation for the awareness that these gestures create.

During the world series game with the San Fransisco Giants and Detroit Tigers they had a Stand Up To Cancer promotion where they passed around placards for people to write a name of someone they know and love that is or has had cancer. It was rather emotional for me to witness everyone from fans, players and coaches holding up at least one person they know who has had this disease. A few of the cards simply said "me".

                                           

I'm grateful that awareness has been increasing with these type of events and have no doubt that with our support and donations cures to the different types of cancer and their treatments will improve more rapidly than ever before.

Pink is no longer a "girly" color for me and my three sons.

We wear it with pride!  

"Chemo Brain"

Hello friends!

I hope you have been enjoying your Fall and all of the sports that are on this time of year!

It has been a very busy one for my family and my wife who recently returned to school full time to finish getting her bachelors degree. Prior to her cancer she had not attended college more than three quarters time so I was surprised when she decided to carry a full time load knowing she would be helping our four kids with their homework as well. I'm not much help in the Math, English and Science departments. But I do help with History and Geography...so I'm not totally useless as a parental tutor.

I was also concerned how she would do after completing her chemotherapy last year and the affect it had on her ability to remember. I wrote a section about this in the book:

Cognitive Function

"Many studies on the cognitive effects of chemotherapy will mention the terms chemo brain or chemonesia.  These drugs can really affect functions of thinking, remembering and learning.

You may have to remind her of what she needs to do and where she needs to be. This can be frustrating for you as you probably relied on her to remind you! Make a mental note or write down what she tells you to help her remember. Jot it down on a calendar so she can check it often."

I must say that I have been really impressed at how school has helped with this aspect. I could really notice within months of her finishing her treatment that she would struggle with her short term memory. I feel the consistent schedule and assignments have really worked the part of her brain that handles thinking, remembering and learning for the better. She has noticed it as well.

You are never to old to stop learning. If your wife will not be returning to school or a job after completing her chemotherapy I suggest helping her pick up a new interest she can study to help reverse these affects after she feels well enough.

I'm so glad she has a math class as it saves me some embarrassment from pretending to know what x is!!!!

ATTITUDE!

Hello again!

I had the awesome opportunity to attend the 2012 Utah Cancer survivorship Day over the weekend with my wife and it was amazing. If you or someone you love has ever had the disease you know that other survivors and their care givers become an extended family of sorts. You have all shared many of the same trials so there is a common bond that you really do not need to verbalize. It was especially neat for me to see my wife run into other survivors she has met through numerous activities and functions over the past two years. The love they feel towards each other is very genuine.

I wanted to touch on the overwhelming theme behind a few of the speakers who addressed us at the conference which was ATTITUDE. There seemed to be a correlation between knowing you are going to defeat cancer versus getting beat by cancer.

One of the speakers, Dov Siporin and his wife Tara, spoke about his ongoing battle with stage 4 colon cancer he was diagnosed with back in 2008. He was given about 3 months to live but here he is fighting it four years later. His attitude towards his cancer is nothing short of amazing. He decided he needed to fight it as long as he could and not simply give into the negative feelings that can result from this type of news. After 5,000 total hours of chemo and 6 surgeries he refuses to just give up. Even though he continues to deal with tumors invading his body he recognizes the joy of each day he has with his wife and kids. He showed me and everyone there that you control the time you have here.

Another speaker, Dr. Jerry Sonkens, talked about his mom and aunt who had breast cancer back in the 70's. Unfortunately his mom had decided to let the cancer defeat her attitude and died a few months later in extreme pain. His aunt, however, decided not to let the cancer dictate her life and to do whatever she could to fight it. She had a never quit attitude and passed away a year ago from old age.

A great attitude will not alone cure someone of cancer but those that choose to fight it with a great attitude will enjoy the time they have left and increase their chance of beating the disease altogether.

I learned I need to have a better attitude towards my life and be grateful for every moment I have been given.

Welcome!

Hello there!

This is the first of a weekly blog that I have decided to write to help husbands who's world has recently been turned up-side-down with the news that their wife has been diagnosed with cancer or continue to deal with it.

My journey with my wife's breast cancer started almost two years ago this December and I have been stretched emotionally more than I ever thought possible. But at the same time, grown so much personally.

I was really grasping for straws those first few months after Cindy's diagnosis so I began reaching out to every husband I new that had helped their wife get through all sorts of different cancers. As I did this I noticed their were common emotions, relationship issues, family matters and growing opportunities that they all faced that really helped me to create my own plan of action. Their experiences, coupled with my own, led me to self publish a book titled "Your wife has cancer! Now what?".

I recently self-published the book through Xlibris and I'm glad to report it was picked up by a new publishing company called Familius who will re-publish it and help me market it. My intention is to make it available to as many cancer specialists as possible so it can be given to the couples that will become their patients.

I will publish valuable excerpts from the book, inspirational stories from others as well as the ongoing experiences I deal with as my wife lives as a "cancer survivor".

I encourage you to share this blog with those that might be dealing with this so we can share information and help each other get through such difficult times.